And today’s Please Go Play in Traffic Award goes to the asshole in plaid last night at Azeen’s Afghani Restaurant in Old Town Pasadena.
It was quite a moment with you there, sir and you proved that for the day the award should definitely go to you. If you are unsure if you were the asshole at the restaurant let me give some details: It was around 6pm on Dec.8. You were with a party of 8 that included a little girl and you sat in the back of the restaurant. We were the incredibly hot biracial couple with the two cutest kids to ever have existed. You were probably shamed to be in the presence of all that hotness. It happens.
Your initial dickhead maneuver was impressive. You decided that you had to read an article posted on the wall. Unfortunately, that this left you in the middle of the entranceway didn’t bother you one whit. Even as I struggled to enter the restaurant, you couldn’t be bothered with actually moving out of the way or any of that silliness. You friend had mentioned the table was ready and you dismissed him by saying, “Yeah, they’re getting it for us, don’t worry”. But in your naturally self-absorbed state, didn’t get that he was telling you to get out of our way and yes, the table was, in fact, ready.
But no one was going to tell you when to eat. Especially if you have reservations for a certain time. As my husband struggled with the stroller to come into the restaurant, you stoically stood there and read that article. It wasn’t until he said, “Excuse me” for the 3rd time that you deigned to even turn around. The sheer look of disgust on your face was classic, and gave you runner up for Douchebag of the Day Award. But stroller be damned right? Instead of getting out of the way, you moved your leg an entire half inch, leaving my husband to struggle a bit more. When he finally asked you move, the overly dramatic sigh, pursed non-existant lips and prissy little headshake gave you Whiny-Ass Punk of the Week Award.
So, imagine our surprise a few moments later when you decided you needed to go sit down and got pissy with us for being in your way. The way you pushed my daughter aside and practically jumped over the stroller, while barely mumbling and weakass “Excuse me” was sheer hubris.
The 3 minutes we shared with you is why it is a great honor for me to present you with the Please Go Play in Traffic Award. Your choice of freeway is open, though I highly suggest the 210 eastbound between Foothill Blvd and Upland. If you do not want this award, I’m willing to trade it with the Please Jump Off A Cliff Award or the I’m Gonna Kick You in the Head Award (though this award allows me to kick you in the head when I feel like it, it’s a little more annoying that the Cliff or Traffic awards in that I’d actually have to waste my time looking at you whenever I feel the need to kick you in the head.). You can also redeem this award for anything in the Thinning the Herd Category, so contact me for details.