Alan Keyes for president?

Who let that crazy mofo fill out those forms? I consider myself to be up on politics all over this country and in other parts of the world (except Canada…sorry friends, but it’s true. I’m willfully ignorant about Canadian politics, I just know you guys got a crazy guy leading ya’ll too) and this floored me yesterday when I heard the Republican debate. It seems our trusty media–save Jake “Full of Crap” Tapper at ABC–was pretty shocked too, as all the articles I read said something like, “Surprise of the night was Alan Keyes. I can just imagine the conversation:

“Who’s the black guy?”
“I dunno, maybe he’s filling up the water glasses.”
“Holy shit, that’s Alan Keyes!”
“Alan who?”
“You know, that guy that lost to Obama in the Senatorial race back in ’04 by like 88%…the one with the lesbian daughter.”
“Oh yeah, he said she’s a ‘hedonist’.”
“She cares about nothing?”
“‘Nobody fucks with the Jesus.'”


He had announced his candidacy back in September under the media radar.” In mediaspeak that means: We weren’t paying attention. Again. So, playing catch up like they always do, the internet is full of links of holier-than-thou craptitude from pundits and so-called journalists who’ve just happen to neglect to mention that Keyes was running. Instead, they’re doing research (gasp!) and are blaming The Des Moines Register for having such lax rules. Here’s Byron York:

The criteria for admission to the debate, according to the Register, were that a candidate must have filed papers with the Federal Election Commission; that he must have publicly announced his candidacy; that he have a campaign office in Iowa as of October 1; that he have at least one full-time paid staff member in Iowa; and that he score at least one percent support in the Register’s October poll.

FWIW, Keyes hit all of those criteria–sorta. Hell, I could have hit those criteria.

Keyes has indeed filed the required papers. He did announce, in September, that he is a candidate. And he scored two percent support in the Register’s October poll, although he showed zero percent support in the same poll in November. As far as having a campaign office and at least one full-time paid staffer, well, that’s where things get a little fuzzy.

Though in all fairness, Alan Keyes is quite possibly the only guy up there who’d make Huckbee, Hunter and Tancredo look balanced and those guys are nucking futs!

Sigh…I’d link to the Keyes for President website, but it keeps crashing my computer. Much like a Keyes presidency would do to America. I’m just pissed that I got one crazy fucker off my list and now I may have to add another up there.